April 22, 2020
EARTH DAY
Today is Earth Day. O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
I will try to observe it, for appearance's sake, by avoiding some of the things I do on all the other days of the year. Just for a day, mind you. I can't live without the existential thrill of stomping my gigantic carbon footprint on the face of the earth. I can't survive without consuming and generating the mass of material and waste needed to keep my mind and body going, not to mention the holy economy. I will not be truly happy unless I can buy whatever I want, whenever I want, wherever I want. God Bless America!
The plague has caused me to defer the pleasure of buying that jet ski I've been coveting for a long time. And it looks like I won't be able to attend any NASCAR events for a while. For the moment, I have to limit myself to enjoying flying my drone, running my leaf blower and playing with my chainsaw.
Fortunately, this short period of deprivation will not last too long. I am reassured by the knowledge that the electric foot massager and the heated toilet seat I ordered are being extracted from a robotic warehouse somewhere and will soon be in a truck on its way to me.
I also take comfort from the biblical passage I have chosen for my daily bible reading. Please open your bibles to Genesis 1:28 and let us read in unison:
And God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.’
What a relief it is to know that what might otherwise appear to be my greed and selfishness is actually behavior sanctioned by the Almighty. Sure, there are some namby-pamby types who try to distort this clear mandate and read some eco-responsibility into it. But that is obviously pure nonsense.
Later on I will celebrate by barbecuing some thick steaks, frying some frozen french fries and finishing with ice cream, maybe chocolate with cookies and peanuts mixed into it. But now, a preliminary snack of potato chips with Coca Cola.
END
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